When the Past Refuses to Stay in the Past

We often think of the past as something that has happened and is over. We remember it, perhaps occasionally revisit it, and then continue with our lives. But some experiences do not remain where they happened. They quietly travel with us.

They may appear in the fears we cannot explain, the relationships we struggle to understand, the reactions that seem disproportionate to what is happening, or the recurring patterns we keep repeating without knowing why.

This does not necessarily mean that we are consciously thinking about the past. In fact, we may have forgotten many of the details. The mind has its own ways of carrying what we were unable to understand at the time.

Childhood is particularly important in this regard. As children, we experience the world without always having the language, perspective or power to make sense of what happens around us. We absorb much more than we understand. Some experiences are remembered clearly. Others remain as feelings, fears, images or fragments.

Years later, we may find ourselves reacting to situations that seem unrelated to anything that happened long ago. We may wonder why certain things affect us so deeply. Why do we fear something that others don't? Why do particular relationships become difficult? Why do we keep returning to the same emotional patterns?

Sometimes, the answer lies not in what is happening now, but in what happened then.

Understanding this does not mean blaming the past for everything that happens in the present. Nor does it mean that the past must be erased before we can move forward. The past remains part of our history. What can change is the extent to which it is allowed to determine who we are.

This is one of the questions at the heart of Broken and Made.

The book began as a deeply personal journey through experiences that had shaped my life long before I fully understood their influence. Writing about them meant returning to places I had not necessarily intended to revisit. It also meant looking at people, relationships and events with a perspective that was impossible to have when I first experienced them.

What emerged was not a story about forgetting the past. It was a story about understanding it—and about discovering that an experience can remain part of your history without remaining the author of your future.

Broken and Made is a self-help book based on a true story. It explores childhood, family, fear, silence, ambition, identity and the psychological ways in which experiences can continue to shape us.

The story is personal. The questions are not.

Perhaps some of them belong to you too.